Pregnancy and Infant Loss – Rainbow Baby

The only reason my daughter exists is because my other babies didn’t make it.rainbow

A baby born after a miscarriage or loss of a baby is referred to as a rainbow baby. This month we remember all babies born sleeping, or we’ve carried but never met, those we’ve held but couldn’t take home, the ones that came home but didn’t stay.

I lost my twin boys six years ago when I was 19 weeks pregnant due to cervical insufficiency. Since then I went on to have a beautiful, healthy daughter. I often think that if the twins had lived my daughter would probably not have been born.

Because of the loss I was scared when I got pregnant again, and it was hard to get excited about things. I didn’t have her baby shower until after she was born and I knew she was sticking around.

That old saying; “Time heals all wounds” for me at least, is not true. But I have survived, and I have experienced joy again. I don’t think it ever gets easier, you just learn to live with the empty feeling.  Having my daughter made me that much more thankful for a healthy baby. It also helped heal my broken heart. After the loss of my twins it makes me treasure the gift of motherhood that much more.

Please, take a moment to acknowledge your friends who might be struggling.  On the outside they will be resilient and strong, but they are also human and a simple acknowledgment that you are thinking about them and the baby they lost will mean so much.

To those still living with the grief, I can’t tell you how to make it better or what to do to change it, all I can say is hold on and know that you are not alone…

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